He’s a spender and she’s a saver. Neither of them really cares to sit down and figure out how to pay the bills. Talk about stress in a marriage!
Individuals establish values about money long before becoming a couple. When couples have different values and spending styles and refuse to talk about it, the results can be disastrous. Most couples will admit that nearly all of their major disagreements are over money. According to marriage experts, over half of married couples argue about money, and money issues are frequently the cause of divorce.
Couples disagree most often about how money is managed and who will make the spending decisions, not how much is to be spent. Most family financial problems could be avoided if couples simply communicated about managing their money.
Talking about money can be difficult. It may seem easier to let things go and hope for the best. However, by not discussing the issue at hand, it is most certain a conflict will erupt. Preventing and overcoming money problems takes frequent, honest and candid communication, as well as time and effort.
• Wait until the time is right. Don’t discuss money when you are tired, watching a favorite TV program, under stress from work, or not feeling well. If it seems the time is never right, consider scheduling a specific time each month to talk about financial issues.
• Avoid using phrases that lay blame, such as “you always…” or “you never….” Instead, try phrases such as “I think…” or “Could we try.”
• Allow time for each of you to state your feelings and beliefs. Listen while the other person is talking without interrupting. Try to see your partner’s point of view.
• Be prepared to compromise. When each person gives a little, it can lead to a mutually acceptable solution.
Make it a goal to have a calm, relaxed discussion when there’s no particular underlying money issue on the table. Remember to discuss attitudes towards savings and debt, existing financial obligations, and future needs of your family. Some of your future needs might include a larger home, education costs for your children, health and life insurance as well as retirement.
These topics may not be considered pillow talk, but sharing the answers with your partner should make you sleep better. Learn more about managing your money at University of Illinois Extension’s website, Plan Well-Retire Well: Your how-to guide. Visit it at www.RetireWell.uiuc.edu.
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Source: Pat Hildebrand, Extension Educator Consumer and Family Economics
Effingham Extension Center
University of Illinois
(217-347-5126)
December 2004
Edited by: Lois Smith (618-692-9434)
